So,

It has been a long time since I have posted on this thing. And reflecting back on it, people change a lot in three years. Myself specifically, but everything about life has changed. I took a really long break getting to know myself and people, and honestly I am still lost. It's O.K., cause who knows really what our purposes are? No one. That's the mystery of life. I am just going to use this as a reflecting tool. My life has had some large ups and downs. Now I just need to get my life straightened out. Can't wait to get reflective again!

So i think i have finally figured out what is wrong with me.

I didnt really know before but after doing a lot of thinking i came to the conclusion that i dont even know who i am anymore. I dont know who my friends are (well i know some but a lot i dont trust so i guess they arent friends but i still talk to them.)I dont know what i am happy with. SIngle, Taken, FUcking, Dating whatever... I just dont know what it is that makes me happy so i cant figure out what to do to make me happy.

So after really thinking about this stuff there is one true thing that makes me happy. PERFORMING. Whether it be colorguard or drum corps or percussion ensemble or chorus or brass ensemble. I LOVE PERFORMING. I runaway when i play or sing those melodic lines. Its like I am a part of something else. My sould just dissappears and flows with the melodic lines. Spining my flag in colorguard is so beautiful and i pretentd for that 5 minutes of the show that i am a part of something different. That i can be something different. I can make people believe that i am part of a painting or idea or music.

That was way too insigtful but thats the truth.

Fuck men and their cunty personalities! I dont care right now. I am going to focus on what it is that i can actually feel happy doing. THATS MY EDUCATION AND COLORGUARD. If a boy or two....or five fall in my lap so be it.

p.s. I am sick of people getting involved with what is going on with me and Danny. ITS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!!! I told him that as long as he is smoking pot on a consistant basis "we" wont become "we". So if i hang out with another boy, kiss another boy, dance with one, cuddle with one, WHATEVER HELL if i even FUCK another boy other than danny. I DONT WANT TO HEAR ANYTHING. The ball is in Danny's court now.

I love alise. I am so happy she is back in my life. And i hope that amanda rose makes it back into my life too because i miss her like whoa! I think the three of us go to the club thursday after thanksgiving! Total mayhem if we were all to go together. Especially if i got hammered!

I miss my real friends. Blaze, Amanada Batastini, Lauren Buckley, Laura martin, rachel landers, tracy, and hell i saw jodi for the first time in a month and i go to fucking school with her! we stood and talked in everyones way in that alley behind the ellison campus center and caught up. I miss them all. I wish i saw them all again everyday. Now i seriously wonder if i will ever see some of them ever again. That thought makes me sad :::tear::: <~~~~ that wasnt sarcasm.

Alright i think i have bored you enough. But for now i am content... and i am just soooooooooo tired and worn out and i still have a long weekend. Doesnt look like i have a break until thanksgiving! But hay...keeps your mind of things...right?

Can we discuss this entry and how you dont think about things? Talk amongst yourselves!

I fell so down. I dont even know why. Like everything is bothering me. I was sucha CUNT at work today! But yea. I have been sitting here trying to figure out what is bugging me...

Is it that albert left me and i fell rejected? Partly...even though i knew it was ending...

Is it that I have this awkward depnedency on men? Kind of... I dont know... I hate the way boys treat me but i jump inot relationships cuz i am so scarred of being hurt.

Is it Danny? I think this is a big factor. I hate that I really like someone and he really likes me but that drugs are in the way of a relationship. I never thought i would be so upset about someone over something like this.

Is it that I am angry at all these people? Well i am mad at danny a lil, mad at albert, mad at ryan, mad at most. I dont know why i am so upset. I jsut want to smile and be happy and not be mad at anyone...

like seriosuly, is that too much to ask? I feel like a total loser. I feel like my livejournal is a place of solitude, what happened to my fun entries? I have no idea...

Alise needed to go out. her and chris broke off their 8 year relationship and engagement last week. So i told alise she was coming dancing with me! So we did. We danced the night away. I had so much fun. The club was packed. We had a blast.

Ryan is...i dont know what...too busy for me i guess...peace that out. I will miss the amazing dates. I met someone at the club. A sucessful teacher who is 25. Blonde hair, bluish eyes, teaches AP calc, physics, and chemistry. So finally someone sucessful. I dont know. Whatever...go with the flow i guess...now off to sacred heart rehearsal for two days!

01) Music
02) Teaching
03) Drum Corps
04) Colorguard
05) Friends
06) Chocolate
07) Cooking for someone
08) Making peeps laugh
09) Petting my cat
10) Hugging my mother

TAG!
01) Blaze
02) Shayna
03) Jodi
04) Chris M
05) Aaron
06) Albert

So i worked all weekend per the usual. I finally talked to albert and i think we are ok. We were talking. I cant believe that he gets all those guys stalking and drooling all over him. I mean... i dont get it. That doesnt happen to me like it happens to me.

Anyway. Ryan cancelled plans on sunday night cuz his friend came into boston and surprised him. :::rolls eyes::: whatever. Le sigh. So we didnt hang out... but we made up for it and made like 5 days this week to hang out. So we will see how it goes.

Worked has been really good money but really sucky. And it isnt the customers. Its the fucking people that work there. Some of those idiots are really beginning to piss me off. Like the cooks fuck everything up and some of the waitstaff are just a bunch of pansy ass lazy mother fuckers!

School is poopy cuz its school. We had a Master class for chorus today and it sucked. I think he should have focused on the things we knew. I feel like today was a waste in all honesty. Oh well i am exhausted i had to get up at 5 am and go observe high school. UGH! Alright I got to go to bed i am pooped out cheekahs!

To fill those in that have no idea about who and what the irish spud is. Let me explain.

So i have been talking to this kid ryan for quite sometime online. After talking for a bit and being intrigued by his perosnality i asked for a picture. Ummm.... whoa! I was like hold the presses that isnt you. Indeed it was! GROGEOUS! And i was like...hmmmm good looks and a great look what could possibly be wrong.

So after talking for a while he asks me out on a date: "You should let me take you to dinner sometime." Now i have already mentioned this a couple times to other friends and to the spud himself, My momma did raise me a fool. If acute sweet guy asks you to dinner, you say yes!

Now when he first asked i was skeptical cuz i dont know if i want to get involved again. Like these boys all suck and treat me like shit and whatever, so naturally i am scurred. Granted they are not always at fault for the break up...but most of the time yea. So i was afraid...

I made excuses. "I have no money" to which he replied "Thats my treat" and i was like SOLD!

I just got back.... its 3:05 AM after I got shitface at embassy last night, slept over brians, woke up at 7 AM, drove home, showered, went to classes, went to rehearsal, and then pick up ryan at the train station by Sacred Heart.

We drove into boston and searched relentlessly for free parking...I GOT IT BITCHES!!! Then he took me to this restaurant that was amazing. He spoiled me it was kind of expensive. I am going to have to take him out three times to make up for it. So then we decided after vanilla creme brulee, that we wanted to watch a movie, so i went and saw SAWII again. I didnt care i enjoyed it just as much. And then i drove him home. We get to his apartment and i am thinking this night was amazing i dont know what to do now!!!

THATS RIGHT! Mike did not know what to do folks, i have been in that situation and i was stiff as a bord. I didnt know how to react out of fear of ruining the night. So after a brief awkward silence, he leaned over and gave me the most genlte kiss ever. It was so romantic!!! Then he ran out of the car in a giddy spree cuz he didnt know what to do and i was left to figure my way out of boston.

Guys i am not going to lie. BEST DATE I HAVE EVER BEEN ON EVER! I cant wait to see him sunday evening!!

Again... long time entry here...

I dont know people. I think i am just worn out from trying to please everyone and trying to be happy. I mean in general I am a happy person. I just dont know. Since albert dumped me i have not been feeling to great. I just wish i could find someone, stick with them, and be happy.

I dont understand why I repulse men away. Am I that ugly? I definitely have definitely been feeling like that lately.

Someone told me the other day that I like to play games with people. And i was really hurt by that. I think that maybe when i was younger I could see why they would think that. But since this summer I have changed a lot when it comes to my relationships and boys. And what made me mad about that comment is that i even if i did subconsciously i never enjoyed it and he said i got a kick out of it. Ummm no. Anyways. So i dont know I feel really down lately.

Like i know that it is not just my exs fault that we broke up but it seems like there is a two month thresh hold where they get cold feet and dump me. And they all say the same thing. "you are so nice to me! I dont want to hurt you. I wish that timing was better. I dont know what i want." I mean i dont knoww hat to make of all this. What am I doing wrong.

I just wish that someone cared, or at least showed that they cared for me.

This is a double post BTW from my myspace... I jsut like... cant understand or phathom what the hell is going on anymore! At least I had fun in down town halloween and at six flags with blaze the week before If you want to see the pics visit my photobucket http://photobucket.com/albums/y164/newfoundin0cent/

p.s. my mood is cold as in angry and mad at people (But i am not depressed... i am happy with my life jsut to remind you)

Last night I texted steve and invited him over my house and he told me he couldnt he was hanging out with a bunch of people including my ex i just broke up with john. Sooooooooooo, I was like cool whatever, and then John who has not talked to me in weeeeks since i dumped him texts me and asks me what is up. ::looks sideway:: bizzare? YES! So i prompted to find out what the fuck was going on last night.



newfoundin0cence: hiiiiiiii
newfoundin0cence: helllllllllllo
JPBiomajor: hey there
newfoundin0cence: hi
newfoundin0cence: whatch doing?
JPBiomajor: I was just downstairs talkin to Amanda's mom, but I am just chillin
newfoundin0cence: cool
newfoundin0cence: how was last night
JPBiomajor: Yaya's was fun
JPBiomajor: I am going to miss her
newfoundin0cence: awwwww
newfoundin0cence: shannon fixed my spinning today
newfoundin0cence: so i could prep properly into the toss
JPBiomajor: that's cool
JPBiomajor: It should be fun next Sunday
newfoundin0cence: yea
newfoundin0cence: oh
newfoundin0cence: barrells
JPBiomajor: what do you mean by that?
JPBiomajor: as far as I am concerned I have no problem, this is my home, and your trying out I at least will repect that and know that I am there to have fun
JPBiomajor: I can't say what other people will do, Amanda won't give you a hard time just try your hardest and you should be fine
newfoundin0cence: so can you please explain to me what was going on last night????
JPBiomajor: Both Steve and I were at the party, there was no shit being said about you we actually were just talking and we decided to im you
newfoundin0cence: because i would like ot know... why all of sudden are you ready to talk ot me when you were hanging out with steve?
newfoundin0cence: both at the same time?
newfoundin0cence: that makes no sense
JPBiomajor: we were talking
newfoundin0cence: why would that be a good idea?
newfoundin0cence: trying to set me up or something?
newfoundin0cence: i thought you were a little more mature than that, and i didnt want to think that what it was and i hope it wasnt
newfoundin0cence: but that is what it appears was happening
newfoundin0cence: and steve complains to me all the time about me not calling him or asking him to hang out
newfoundin0cence: so i invited him over to my party
newfoundin0cence: and then you started texting me
JPBiomajor: Tracy was right there, you know, I don't think you should be even talking to me about maturity
newfoundin0cence: after he told me he was with you
JPBiomajor: we were at Yaya's
newfoundin0cence: maturity about a relationship and maturity as a person are two totally different things
JPBiomajor: actually know there are not
newfoundin0cence: well thne we have a difference of opinion
JPBiomajor: and Shannon had no business saying that either
JPBiomajor: I don't think you opinion doesnt count anymoire
newfoundin0cence: she just wanted to know what the fuck was going on cuz i didnt have the balls to ask
JPBiomajor: it was pretty rude
newfoundin0cence: well shannon is pretty blunt and doesnt care what anyone says to her
JPBiomajor: well that's the first problem right there
JPBiomajor: I didn't do one single thing to you
JPBiomajor: As far as I am concerned you were the one that did everything wrong and I think many other people would agree
newfoundin0cence: welll what the fuck was going on last nigth there had to be something going on
newfoundin0cence: thats fine
JPBiomajor: there was nothing
JPBiomajor: don't you get it
newfoundin0cence: i never said i didnt do nothing wrong
newfoundin0cence: i admitted i did EVERYTHING wrong
JPBiomajor: well, stop accusing me of things that aren't happening
newfoundin0cence: but you two were shooting the shit
newfoundin0cence: and just randomly
JPBiomajor: Do you want me to say that Steve and I are hanging out because we don't
newfoundin0cence: said
newfoundin0cence: "OMG we sould so text mike at the same time and see what happens"
newfoundin0cence: no
newfoundin0cence: i dont
newfoundin0cence: i dont care if you two do
newfoundin0cence: what you two do is your business
newfoundin0cence: and is none of mine
JPBiomajor: exactly
newfoundin0cence: but when you are both hanging out and IMing me at the same time when you both have dated me it is my business as to why
newfoundin0cence: thats all
JPBiomajor: and I would like to tell you that you have a short chance in hell of making St. Johns so I wouldn't even come next weekend, keep pissing me off
JPBiomajor: thanks for ruin my night
newfoundin0cence: i am not trying
newfoundin0cence: to
newfoundin0cence: i asked a question
JPBiomajor: and I told you
newfoundin0cence: as to waht prompted you to Talk to me after you hadnt for so long
JPBiomajor: you think that I haven't caught you in lies
JPBiomajor: you imed me the other night
newfoundin0cence: noooooooooo
newfoundin0cence: i told you i would bring your rifle
JPBiomajor: yes when the night after Meghan
JPBiomajor: Oh I am sorry so I am not supposed to answer
newfoundin0cence: noooooooooo
JPBiomajor: you really need a clue
newfoundin0cence: meghan IM;d me from your screen name
JPBiomajor: exactly
JPBiomajor: and then the night after you imed me
JPBiomajor: and don't even say you didn't
newfoundin0cence: woul you like me to finish?
newfoundin0cence: i wanted to IM you because again...its peculiar that meghan had not talked to me in so long and then randomly talks to me out of the blue and IM's me from YOUR screen name
newfoundin0cence: i thought somethign fishy was going on
JPBiomajor: I am done with this conversation, I guess your true colors have shown through finally to me and that is what I was warned about
newfoundin0cence: soooooooooo

I got really bored tonight. So i made a quiz... i hope you guys like it!

Take the quiz: "What Myke Are You?"

Sexy Myke
You are hott and heavy! Sexy in all ways! Everyone wants your shit, just like myke, when he tries! Too hard most of the time!

and just to update on albert. He had an infection. Too bad the ER sucks unless you are really like shot or bleeding parfousely, even then i still doubt their capability. But nevertheless, I was rigth and no one would listen.

oh well... I still am laughing about my quiz though take it and spread the word!!!

tee hee

I jus thtought this was hillarious...dont you agree?

Joker Demon R Us: u can't believe how kewl u are in my eyes. when u have a shitty home life, and tons of freinds but yet u know there all fake. and u want to meet people but everyone around u is a whore. its hard to find people like u, and i'm so gratefull we get to talk.
newfoundin0cence: but i AM a whore
newfoundin0cence: lol
Joker Demon R Us: well if u are ur the nicest whore i've ever met
newfoundin0cence: LMFAO

I feel a sense of accomplishment being the nicest whore someoen has ever met...

Well last night after the spartans banquet i ran to see albert. I wanted to see him so bad... even though it had only been a day since i last saw him. But i drove up and he cooked me sketti and sauce. And we ate. He was complaining about his wisdom teeth hurting (he just had them pulled) but he always complained about them, so i let it be. I just let him snuggle in my lap and put some ice on his face as I rubbed my fingers through his hair.

His friend amy came over. And we then went to a party to make an appearance. Ally and I left eraly cause he was not feeling well. And he layed in my lap again with ice on his cheek.

Then Kimmy came over. And we talked for a bit, and then when she left we went to go to some pink mafia meeting (the gay time to hang out) and i saw some people i recognized from the club. I met every one and then me and albert left again cuz he didnt feel well. So i gave him a piggy back bakc tot the apartment.

we got there and he looked at me. He said he NEEDED to go to the ER and that he was sorry for ruining my night. He didnt ruin my night btw. I told him it wasnt his fault and he was worth the trip up even if he wasnt feeling well. So. He looks at me and with a sad face asked if i would go with him. I of course said i would and so we went. I am going to put a convo in here cuz i am too lazy to type the whole story this time... again... but i actually have it this time...

newfoundin0cence: i was in the ER until 4 am last night
S DuF 14: no... old.. but not everyone has it
S DuF 14: why?
newfoundin0cence: i ended up driving to see albert
newfoundin0cence: and you know how he had his wisdom teethe out?
S DuF 14: yeah
newfoundin0cence: yea
newfoundin0cence: well
newfoundin0cence: it was hurting
newfoundin0cence: and he got so sick
newfoundin0cence: and was like
newfoundin0cence: mike something is wrong
newfoundin0cence: i need to go to the ER
S DuF 14: o boy
newfoundin0cence: and so i didnt know where the hell i was
newfoundin0cence: ally is crying from the pain
newfoundin0cence: percaset wasnt even helping him
S DuF 14: damn
newfoundin0cence: and so i got his roomamte
newfoundin0cence: and he took us
newfoundin0cence: we got there
newfoundin0cence: and they took him in
newfoundin0cence: and like 20 minutes after he went in
newfoundin0cence: the nurse came out and said he was asking for me
newfoundin0cence: so i went in
newfoundin0cence: and h had like IV's in him and shit
newfoundin0cence: Vallium
newfoundin0cence: Demeral
newfoundin0cence: he dopped up
newfoundin0cence: had a fever of 102 after 800 mg of motrin
S DuF 14: what the fuck happened?
S DuF 14: was it an allergic reaction to the medicine?
newfoundin0cence: then started vomitting when i got in there from the pain killers
newfoundin0cence: once i heard his fever
newfoundin0cence: i KNEW it was an infection from his wisdom teeth
newfoundin0cence: but the doctor said his tests were normal
S DuF 14: hmm..
S DuF 14: is he ok now?
newfoundin0cence: blood tests beign
newfoundin0cence: so they discharged him
newfoundin0cence: even though he was convolsing
newfoundin0cence: when he started shaking they gave him more vallium to stop it
newfoundin0cence: wich caused more vommtting
S DuF 14: no fucking kidding
newfoundin0cence: and then they sent him homea
newfoundin0cence: and thold us to bring him in for the morning so he can have a catscan
newfoundin0cence: and i havent heard from him and i am wicked worried
newfoundin0cence: i got in at 5 am
S DuF 14: so.. they drugged him up.... watched him vomit, said nothing was wrong then told him to go home...
S DuF 14: damn
newfoundin0cence: yea
newfoundin0cence: basically
S DuF 14: oh thats pretty fucking cool
newfoundin0cence: i cant belive
newfoundin0cence: its so obvious he has an infection
S DuF 14: seriously
newfoundin0cence: my mom was like
newfoundin0cence: did they call his oral surgeon
newfoundin0cence: and i was ike no
newfoundin0cence: she was like
newfoundin0cence: what are they fuckign stupid
S DuF 14: lol
newfoundin0cence: my mom being the nurse is all pissed off now
newfoundin0cence: cuz my mom was like
newfoundin0cence: a nurse in her first year of school knows that that is the symptom of infection after an oral surgery as serious as wisdom teeth being pulled
S DuF 14: haha
newfoundin0cence: so
newfoundin0cence: i dont know anything that is going on
newfoundin0cence: and i am freaking out
newfoundin0cence: cuz i dont know whats wrong
S DuF 14: im sure hes fine
newfoundin0cence: and the away message i put up for him last night is still the same
newfoundin0cence: and they said no classes for three days
newfoundin0cence: he misses the first three days of classes
newfoundin0cence: and maybe more
S DuF 14: damn

so that was my night ast night... i actually got in my bed at 4:45 am last night...but i am still worried. and exhausted...

I had to go to the ER last nigth with albert. I was so worried about him...but i am too lazy to write about it... so i am just going to show you a convo i had where i talked about it...

never mind
i deleted it by accident...

shit

oh well.... i will write later

I cant sleep. I am so worried. First I am afriad for an ex of mine. He and I are good friends even though he is not around anymore. However, i have been worrying ever since he told me that he is dating and moving in with someone who is HIV +.

Now what really gets me is this....

newfoundin0cence: he is cute
newfoundin0cence: its a shame he is positive
the ex: i dont think like that
newfoundin0cence: and i hope that you are smart too
the ex: and of course i am
newfoundin0cence: i know
newfoundin0cence: but no matter wha... i will worry
the ex: well i get my results on monday
newfoundin0cence: that doesnt matter unless you were with him intimately three motnhs ago
the ex: not the tests they are doing on me
newfoundin0cence: what tests are they doing
the ex: viral load
the ex: t cell count
the ex: and antibody test
newfoundin0cence: did you do something before you found out he had the virus?
newfoundin0cence: and you dont have to answer
newfoundin0cence: i am jsut curious
the ex: things did happen, yes
newfoundin0cence: and worried
newfoundin0cence: something serious?
the ex: no not really
the ex: but there is still risk
newfoundin0cence: ok
newfoundin0cence: i hope everything works out
the ex: and i have all the symptoms that they describe people getting after you are exposed to it
newfoundin0cence: i had lunch with jamie the other day
the ex: so they want to run all those tests
the ex: thats cool
newfoundin0cence: what symptoms is that?
the ex: fever, headache, stomach ache, vomiting, swollen glands, sore throat, muscle aches, excessive fatigue, night sweats
newfoundin0cence: ok
newfoundin0cence: i dont want to know more
newfoundin0cence: i will worry
the ex: okie dokie
newfoundin0cence: i already am worrying
the ex: i am sure
newfoundin0cence: i am not going to be able to sleep tongith
the ex: oh?
newfoundin0cence: no
newfoundin0cence: cuz i cant stop think about you and your tests
newfoundin0cence: :-(
newfoundin0cence: i really do hope everything is ok
the ex: if i can manage to sleep
the ex: i think you can
the ex: this has been eating away at me for weeks
the ex: because they did one test
the ex: and i was fine
the ex: but that only covered me till april
the ex: and my risk was after that
the ex: and that test two two weeks
the ex: so then they did these tests
the ex: and that has taken a week
the ex and there was almost two weeks between the test
the ex: so this has been going for over a month
newfoundin0cence: i dont knoiw how you could not be so worried
the ex: i am not saying i am not
newfoundin0cence: do your parents know?
the ex: yes
newfoundin0cence: is your mom ok?
newfoundin0cence: or is she wiggin out?
the ex: she is worried
the ex: but not really showing it
newfoundin0cence: well i hope again that everything works out...
the ex: thanks

how could he not be freaking out? I am freaking out and I am not even involved or in danger. Me and him were two years ago. And we didnt do anything that could put me at risk and plus i am tested every six months and i am fine. So i am worried for him. I dont know what to say. I am so worried? What do you say to someone who has that problem. Especially if the test he took do come back positive on monday. I am concerned...

not to mention that i am upset that i had a bad dream befroe this that made me come to the computer again tonight. I dreamed that Albert hooked up with his roomate and i woke up in a deep sweat as i walked in on them in my dream. grrrrrrrrrrr...

So I dont know if i told you guys this but its a long story... So i will indulge you. Bear with me please.

So rememebr when i was kind of sorta dating that kid rob from salem NH... hahaha well we were at least hooking up. Well, after i found out he was four timing me (a little like two timing...but with four people) I decided to get revenge. So the kid that i found out from was also being played by rob. So me and this kid hung out. We hung out and had a drunken revenge inspired version of hooking up. So we then called rob and told him that we did so. HHAHA being the bitch i am.

Well the other day i was looking through myspace and i started talking to this kid named albert (i know awkward conidering my step dad and grand father are albert) and we were chatting on instant messanger. HAHA. WELL... we were talking and he mention he was a music ed and vocal performance double major at UNH and i was like...hmmmmmmmmmm... and i asked if he knew aaron. He was like..."of course i know aaron, we went to high school together he is like my best friend!" and i was like...oh shit. And i was like whoa small world.

like a few IMs later he goes "OH WAIT!!! you are THAT mike?!" and i was like oh noooooooooo.... he knows and now he is going think i am huge whore. So yea it was funny how that worked out. So we have been talking and stuff and then i went to visit him last sunday. He is so cute. but anyways. I dont know about my capability in a relationship, which is why i dumped john two weeks ago. But i do know that i like him and we will definitely be hanging out some. I dont want to get involved in a serious relationship right away. I want to take my time and get settled with the school year first. And then we can re-evaluate that situation. But i assure you we will be hanging out frequently.

lets see... had a horrible night at work. B-A-D. Well i got work the next three days. tonight tomorrow and all day saturday. i have the spartans banquet on sunday and then i am picking up albert and we are going to avalon and then doing errands tomorrow up in salem mass so i can get squared away for the school year. then i am working tuesday and wednesday night.

Peace out cub scouts... oh and i speel my name like this now...

mykle

I work at the Chelmsford Bertucci's for the first time today.

I made a new friend. She is awesome. Her name is natalie. We already exchanged digits. We worked the double together today and we work together tomorrow. I already figured out a nickname for her. Silent Viper!

So i did good in tips today. Its a little less hectic there though. Rockingham mall is just so crazy mad busy. It was busy today.... but a lot less stressful. The setup of the restaurant will take some getting use to. Its ok i have the rest of the week.

So another adventure in my life. I always seem to bring myself into the oddest situations. So Ben, Shannon, Dave and I were suppose to have this wonderful night of pure dancing and the loving ecstacy of friendship. Well it turned out to just be the loving ecstacy of friendship.

In the unusual circumstances of the evening, we discover that Avalon two weeks ago was shut down for having 18 year old children running a muck in their establishment. (The law in boston for nighte life activities that serve alcohol, is that all events are 19+) They had never enforced this rule and allowed 18 year olds in the club. However, in lieu of the events of closure of avalon two weeks ago (mind you i was in georgia) we were not allowed in the club. Because though shannon and I are 21 dave and ben were the babies of the group and are only 18. DAMNIT!!!

So me and shannon ran in quickly and drank a longisland ice tea, yeager bomb and a red headed slut in the matter of five minutes. We then met ben and dave outside and left. Went back to my place and bonded as three of us got shit faced and ben quietly watched over us, seeing as ben is a good dooby and was not feeling well.

Dave leaves tuesday for ethan embry or whatever the fuck it is... I dont care... he is leaving...and as me and shannon said before, we hate people that leave us. So me and shannon will gather and sing a song with the piano man when they all leave us.

I was suppose to see bobby at the club on thrusday. But apparantly all his asshole friends bailed on him. I was the first one to call and inform him of my horrible situation at the club. Bobby was not happy. He was rather angry. Cuz two seconds later his other friends bailed. I felt bad... I cried cuz i felt bad..but also because i miss him so much and i wanted to see him. I wont dissappoint twice though... I will see him monday night at axis!!! LOVE YOU BOBBY!!!

off for a double in a restaurant i dont know with people i dont know... for a long time... lol the rest of my shifts for the week are at this restaurant. Ugh... wish me luck...or come visit me at the chelmsford bertuccis!!!

SO while i was gone i realized a few things...

1) I dont think one person told me that they missed me except the people at work..Kimmy and Siobhan... and then the only person who commented on my last post was jodi... so i have a feeling she did/does miss me too. No one ever called my phone. I was all over the country and not a single person of the 80 someodd numbers i have in my phone called me... not a single one... so i think i need to delete some of those numebrs.

2) I am a total and utterly blunt bitch. I am so mean sometimes, and i have disregard to no one elses feeligns when it comes to doing the job right, and when it hinders what I want to accomplish as an individual...

i.e. Russ was backing up with horrible technique during a performance at a stadium with at least 1,000 people there... and i took him aside after and told him that if i ever caught him doing that again i was going to beat the shit out of him cuz he was just being lazy.

i.e. #2 I told someone that they shouldnt have a crush on me... because i was a cold hearted...bitterly gay male with no regards to anyother gay males feelings, at least towards the ones i dont have mutual feelings for.

i.e. #3 I told someone from another drum corps to.. and i quote myself.. "Suck my balls..." cuz they said it seemed like our corps was "taking steps backwards..." after i proceeding in telling him that if we were ackstepping...then why were we still tooling them by 10 points.

3) I dont know what i want out of my life. I seriously just want to do drum corps the rest of my life. So music ed seems pretty definite the rest of my college career.

I also look at life a little differently. Tyree and I were sitting under the stars one night and it was the most beautiful night...and we were talking about how we thought the season was going, and i realized then... that it was the last time i would do it. And that it went by so fast, and i didnt regret a single second of anything i had done during the season. Now i try to say i dont regret anything, but i do sometimes regret the way i treat people, and i can say with confidence that i ha the best summer of my life.

Life is far too short not do what you want to do when you want to do it. Life is about choices and choosing to do what you want to do to make yourself happy, THAT my friends is the ultimate choice. You need to choose to be happy. Jus tlike in drum corps. You need to choose to make the right decisions, to rehearse properly, to perform well, its all a choice. A mental game. Thats all anything is anymore... A mental game, and you know what the smarter team wins...

you know what else...i did win. And i choose to win the rest of my life. To be happy with myself and who I am. TO be happy with myself and to appreciate the wonderful times all my friends gave me at corps this summer.

I love all my drum corps friends and i couldnt ask for a better age out year... When the hornline played fire of eternal glory for me... I bawled my eyes out. I was crying so hard... i tried to come back in the arc and play...but someone pulled me out and forced me to listen. I have never seen or heard anything so beautiful in my life.

a tribute to all the nicknames...

Rumple
Flex (From Impulse)
Blondie (from St. John's)
Kickstand
Franklin
Lunchbox
Snowflake
Closet
Olestra
H-MO (that is me)
M-Star
'Pop-Star
Ska-Star
Duf (pronunced...doooooooof)


those are all the ones i remember... now catch phrases i will never forget...

"is that all you got?"
"I love lamp!"
"clearly you are gay, but That's cool"
"You are all lying scum"
"Pull your heads out of your asses"
"BTMF"
"BTMFA"
"BOA"
"FIO"
"JDS"
"hay ummm flag-oes"
"god I hate them"
"Make the choice"

thats it for now...H-Mo out!

SO a lot has been happening in my life i guess. SUmmer is wicked busy. So I went on tour with my drum corps and we won the division II DCI title again... for the second year in a row. I have a gold medal and i get the DCI ring too. We ended up with the best score the corps has ver had... 97.125 which is amazing. My favorite Div I corps one too... with a 99.125 which is a tie for the highest score in DCI HISTORY!!! The cadets rocked...i was suppose to march there and i blew it...DAMN...steve marches there though...so it will be cool to talk to him about it.

Nothing much is going on besides that.. i am in debt...again! But that is only cuz i was gone so long. I guess i will be in touch... so yea.... comment if you missed me!

OMG i had a wicked long entry with details and it got erased and i am too lazy to fix it. So here is the short abridged version...

Jason spent four days and three nights with me (this included going to axis, me getting my hair cut, him shadowing me at work going to the rainforest cafe with meghan horn and amanda)

Steve is a jerk

I got a speeding ticket AGAIN!

classes are done.

I think that is pretty abrupt...want dertails IM me!